Kapda Nahin Hai...

Q:If one isn't wearing clothes, how is it possible, Oh Bloggers of BFug, that you can still declare something fugly?

A: When the lack of clothing perpetuates Uncle Chest. (at 1:20 in the video)


Put some clothes on, Uncle!

Forthcoming Fug

Fug we can all look forward to...

From God Tussi Great Ho (August, 2008):

From Bachna ae Haseeno (August, 2008):

From C Kkompany* (August, 2008):

*Ekta Kapoor really needs to learn how to spell.

From Money Hain to Honey Hain (July, 2008):

Do you wanna fedora?

That the clothes of Partner will end up on this site will come as no surprise, I'm sure. As much as I disliked that all of Salman's shirts had words on them, things really could have been much worse, given that Salman was supposed to be hip and sauve, Govinda a dork, Lara a bit rough and tumble, and Katrina proper.

There's only one chunk of costuming that I found fug-worthy (plus one strange piece, and I'll get to that in a sec). The look that I most disliked, featured in some of the movie's publicity (see below), was mostly confined to the song "You're My Love."

Check it: Salman has a rapper with giant brass knuckles painted on his pants, they stuck Govinda in a scaled-down version (who thinks this photo was photoshopped? He looks the same size as [but less buff than] Salman), and Lara is wearing shiny roman blinds as pants. Everything reeks of a dark corner of Kevin Federline's closet.

(Pictures courtesy of the official site.)

Here's the thing: I assume that these clothes are supposed to be ridiculous. So bravo, costume designers. But I maintain that I can appreciate your aesthetic and its effects - maybe even admire them in a grudging tip of the hat, "touché" sort of way - without actually liking them. So I draw that distinction and throw some more photos into the mix. The guy in the brown, orange, and white ski vest with a white bandanna looped through his jeans particularly caught my attention.


Lara also has a furry white fedora, but I forgot to get a picture.

The other standout was this itty-bitty vest thing. Lara Dutta has never struck me one way or the other in movies, but here I found her quite lovely except when she was stuck in pint-sized bleachy denim.



Update: Ohhhhh! Now I get it - they're trying to be Hard Kaur!

She's even got a vest like Lara's.

Preity Princess

I liked Jaan-e-Mann, but some of Preity's clothes need our attention.


What era is this supposed to be evoking? It's a flashback to the character's college days, so if we assume they're 30ish, that would put us at the mid- to late-1990s. The gothic font trucker cap and princess lingo say 2002, but the torn jeans are more 1993 and the stacks of plastic bracelets remind me of 1984. And the hair beads? No clue.

Whatever the era, the look is clearly, you know, bad-ass. Maybe the whole thing is supposed to be mockable. It definitely is when Anupam wears it.

Also, the white shoes make me itch, even if she is just an extra with a scrunchie.

(all photos from Jaan-e-Mann, 2006)

Govinda AND Salman

From Partner, apparently "inspired" by Will Smith-flick Hitch.

Holy Flying Tubes of Fairness Cream!

No matter how ridiculous a song's lyrics, Madhuri Dixit brings such grace and poise to every choreographed move. She is one hell of a dancer.

As for Salman's pseudo-bharatanatyam moves... Oy!

But where was I? Ah yes, fugging.

Salman is too easy to fug. His fashion disasters are ALL over this song. Madhuri looks just fine in a traditional lengha and angrakha but her high-waisted pants, gold body suit, and checkered jacket (fast-forward to 4:10), well... it's all very unfortunate.

And of course, where would Bollywood Fugly be without the backup dancers? Lamé seems to be a fabric of choice.

They're not laughing with you...

Oh dear, where do I even begin with this... Are we allowed to fug sets as well as costumes? Because if we can, I think the Taj Ma-Phallus stage for this show is hysterical.

But that's just the jump-off!

Who is that masked man? Is it Optimus Prime?

Is it Voltron, Defender of the Universe? Is it an anime villain?

Oh hell, it's MUCH worse!! It's Salman Khan dancing~ aaaaaahhhhhhh!

Sallu dear, they're not laughing with you, they really truly are laughing at you. Just look at the expressions on the audience's face-- they're horrified! Though, in your defense, it may be because the back-up dancers pulled the "one-leg-up-dog-peeing-on-fire-hydrant-then-hump-the-floor" move. Dude, that is SO last year's pageant circuit.

It only gets worse from there. Don't believe me? Forward to 6:50 for the "Madonna Move" [thanks Amir!] *not suggested viewing if you plan on eating in the next 20-30 minutes. Protective eyewear also recommended.

Well, it was 1989 - what did you expect?

I definitely wanted jeans like this in junior high - I don't recall what this particular button-way-up-then-fold-over waist style is called, but I certainly remember pale blue acid wash - and if I had bold enough, meek high school freshman that I was, I probably would have tied a sheer scarf through the belt loops when I was feeling extra sassy.

(Maine Pyar Kiya, 1989)

Doesn't the not-our-heroine girl remind you of Jennifer Grey? Nobody puts Seema in a corner!

I'd also like to point out that Salman's shirt collar accoutrements. I've never seen anything like this piece of man jewelry before, and I've done my share of country line dancing. What are those, exactly? Weights to keep his collar from flying up (as it will do in later wind-swept songs)?


Presenting Captain Uncle Chest to the rescue!

Why Waqt?!

Thank you Samta! One of our readers just sent an email that's more fun than Christmas...

We're not actually sure what film the first photo is from, but we're quite sure that it is from a film because there's no other explanation as to why Karisma and Salman are standing in this position while so poorly dressed.

Then there's poor Akshay who obviously angered both the costume designer and promotional photographer while filming Waqt. (Personally, I don't think his boobs are real.)

[No, desidancer, I don't think he's wearing a dickie. It's clearly a bodysuit.]

Salman Khan (Again) and Backup Dancers (Again)

At first glance, the male backup dancers look as if they are wearing silver overalls. But when they turn around, you realize those aren't overalls.

Oh, and Salman Khan seems to have raided SRK's collection of gauzy, georgette shirts.

Baabul boo-boos

Baabul boo-boo No. 1

When bad dye jobs happen to good people...



Baabul boo-boo No. 2

The 70s called and they want their Members Only - the Leather Edition - jacket back.



Baabul boo-boo No. 3

She's mighty pretty, but there are a lot of colors happening on that tiny Bengali frame...

Uncle Chest 101

You've heard me use the term repeatedly: Uncle Chest. Several of you have asked me to explain, "what is this Uncle Chest you speak of?" Well, I'll explain, but not before making the guilt-inducing statement, that in order to offer an illustrative explanation I have had to suffer way more Salman Khan than I ever, ever, EVER wanted to. I hope you're happy...

(don't encourage him, he'll strip for absolutely no reason!)








Uncle Chest is like this: Salman Khan is 40-some years old. Technically, an "uncle" to most of the girls he's cast opposite, or trying to attract at the box office, and certainly older than one of my uncles. So the fact that he habitually takes off his shirt in every single movie he comes in, within the first 4 minutes... it's just plain icky. I mean, the fact that he's had hairplugs, and the fact that he's pimping the hairless-oiled-dude shtyle, ala 1986, is just sooo soooooooo icky. I would rather see my dad run around with his shirt off than Salman Khan. And my dad is "uncle" to my peers: Thus, Uncle Chest. It's my way of saying "dude, you are TOO OLD! Put your damn clothes back on because NOBODY wants to see your fossilized old man bod!" Seriously, in most states, old men who flash young ladies wind up getting arrested.






do something? like put your clothes back on?

That's not how you fix a sink, moron.

no really, Bob Villa, it was totally necessary to take off your shirt and use it fix the faucet, as opposed to teflon tape or a wrench or something.

Exhibits A thru Q:

there are no words to describe how NOT-thirsty for soda I am right now.

Towels, short-shorts, faux-tribal costumes, capri pants!?! Didn't anybody ever explain to him that the mystery of the body is sexier than overt exhibitionism? (and denim short-shorts!) There are more, many more, but my eyes started bleeding and I couldn't bear to look at any more evidence without incurring a copay.

SK: what? I'm not shirtless!
Rani: you're joking, right?

NOT Uncle Chest:

D:2, y'all! opens in mere days... can you handle the hottness?

Replay - The Truth

I already posted this on Bollywoodbloggers back in August, but I feel "the truth" needs to be spread here as well. Click for original size.






















Suryavanshi is just a never ending well of treasures.

Bollywood Fugly lesson #1: less is more

(From No Entry, 2005. imdb does not list a costume designer for this movie, but I have an inside track on this particular production, so I'll see what I can find out.)

Never one to disappoint a gal, our Salman.

Unlike some bad Bollywood clothes (and good ones too, let's be honest), this one does not veer off into the land of overly complicated. It's not full of peek-a-boo holes, overpopulated with zippers, jarringly colorful, laced up, bespangled, shiny, or see-through. It's actually quite simple - nay, classic! The man, his shades, his neckwear, and his
itsy
bitsy
teeny
tiny
short
short
shorts.

(And even still, I bet he's got more square inches of fabric on him than any of the women here. But never mind.)

Which brings us to an interesting question: how responsible are actors for what they wear? It's really not Salman's fault, is it? (See, Babasko, I can be charitable.) We should probably drag the costume designers into this, but I imagine they're not so fun to get screen captures of. So the stars it is, accessible and pretty as they are. But we've got our eye on you, costume designers. Watch it.